Knitting

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Knitters are All About That Satire

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Kim covered in knitting and "All About that Lace."Knitters as a group seem to be people who like to laugh and have a good time. I mean, we have to laugh at ourselves because of the somewhat checkered past of knitting, what with ugly Christmas jumpers and the dark days of acrylics. And we have to have a soft spot for muggles with their “not your grandma’s knitting” and “ooh, men can knit, too?” stories.

So it’s not too surprising when knitters poke fun at themselves and the world at large, and a couple of great examples of knitting related humor/awesome have appeared in the past few days.

First there was the awesome knitting cover up of Kim Kardashian’s booty (and most of the rest of her) brought to us by the good ladies of Mason-Dixon Knitting (here I provide just a portion so you’ll go over there are see it in all its glory).

I was kind of just getting over Kim’s Lopi’d booty when Franklin Habit offered a knitting-related rewriting of Meghan Trainor’s “All About that Bass” to the delightful, only-seems-obvious-after-someone-else-did-it “All About that Lace.” Again, you’ll have to click over to the Panopticon for the full rendition (which I hope someone sets to video soon!) but here’s a taste:

I’m all about that lace, ’bout that lace,

No cables.

I’m all about that lace,

‘Bout that lace, lace, lace.

Yeah, it’s pretty clear

I need a size 2.

‘Cause I been swatching, swatching,

Like I’m supposed to do.

‘Cause I know what you need to make it all lace–

All the right holes in all the right places.

Man, I love knitters.

[Photo by Kristin Stone for Mason-Dixon Knitting. Bless her.]

Looking for more Christmas themed Knitting patterns? Check out some of our favorite Knitting patterns on Etsy and

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Free Knitted Crown Pattern for Kids and Adults: A Sweet Handmade Dress-Up Idea

There’s something wonderfully charming about a knitted crown. It’s playful, useful for the dress-up basket, and just the sort of small project that gives a leftover ball of yarn a proper purpose. Much better than letting it roll around the cupboard for another three years.

This free knitted crown pattern for kids and adults combines a simple garter-stitch band with shaped triangular points. The mustard-gold colour gives it that storybook crown look, although pink, purple or woodland green would be equally lovely.

A Manageable Next Step for Beginner Knitters

The construction is the appealing part of this design. Everything is knitted flat, so you won’t need double-pointed needles or experience joining stitches in the round.

You knit the band first, then work each crown point separately over a group of 12 stitches. Paired decreases gradually narrow each triangle, giving you a small, repeatable section to concentrate on.

I’d describe this as a confident beginner knitting project. You’ll need to know how to knit, work two types of decreases, hold unused stitches and sew a simple seam. There are several yarn tails to weave in, so a little patience with finishing will help.

Three Sizes With Room to Personalise

The pattern includes three sizes, with seven, eight or nine crown points. Choose by the wearer’s head measurement rather than age, and check your gauge carefully. Yarn stretch will make a noticeable difference to the fit.

For birthdays, an embroidered initial would be a sweet finishing touch. Contrasting yarn diamonds could suggest little jewels without adding hard embellishments.

What to Know Before Casting On

This is a soft knitted crown, so expect gentle points rather than a rigid costume accessory. A springy wool or wool-blend yarn should give the shaping more support than a very drapey yarn.

The stitch calculations have been checked, but the design has not yet been sample-knitted. The accompanying image is an illustrative mockup, so the finished texture and proportions may vary with your yarn and tension.

For a small handmade birthday accessory or a cheerful addition to the dress-up box, this is an appealing idea. And if an adult needs a matching crown for supervising the royal household, the larger size has that covered too.