Knitters are All About That Satire

Knitters as a group seem to be people who like to laugh and have a good time. I mean, we have to laugh at ourselves because of the somewhat checkered past of knitting, what with ugly Christmas jumpers and the dark days of acrylics. And we have to have a soft spot for muggles with their “not your grandma’s knitting” and “ooh, men can knit, too?” stories.

So it’s not too surprising when knitters poke fun at themselves and the world at large, and a couple of great examples of knitting related humor/awesome have appeared in the past few days.

First there was the awesome knitting cover up of Kim Kardashian’s booty (and most of the rest of her) brought to us by the good ladies of Mason-Dixon Knitting (here I provide just a portion so you’ll go over there are see it in all its glory).

I was kind of just getting over Kim’s Lopi’d booty when Franklin Habit offered a knitting-related rewriting of Meghan Trainor’s “All About that Bass” to the delightful, only-seems-obvious-after-someone-else-did-it “All About that Lace.” Again, you’ll have to click over to the Panopticon for the full rendition (which I hope someone sets to video soon!) but here’s a taste:

I’m all about that lace, ’bout that lace,
No cables.
I’m all about that lace,
‘Bout that lace, lace, lace.
Yeah, it’s pretty clear
I need a size 2.
‘Cause I been swatching, swatching,
Like I’m supposed to do.
‘Cause I know what you need to make it all lace–
All the right holes in all the right places.

Man, I love knitters.

[Photo by Kristin Stone for Mason-Dixon Knitting. Bless her.]

Looking for more Christmas themed Knitting patterns? Check out some of our favorite Knitting patterns on Etsy and

These Christmas Knitting Pattern Books on Amazon

Not too long ago I did a test knit for another designer that was for a cabled cardigan. It’s really cozy and nice but it just about broke me in a ton of different ways. I couldn’t get gauge, which I suppose is my own problem, but mainly I was somehow both bored and forced to pay attention at the same time.

Because it used the same cable all over, I always had to know what row I was on, but nine out of ten of those rows, nothing in particular was going on. So I couldn’t stop paying attention, but what I needed to attend to was boring.

It may have ruined me for knitting cabled sweaters, but maybe I just need something that’s more engaging. Like this Modern Aran Cardigan pattern from Lion Brand Yarn.

This is a reworking of an old pattern from their archives, and you can tell that form the classic look of the cables and the oversized feel (nothing cropped about this one!). It has allover cables, but like a classic Aran sweater it’s not the same cable, so you’ll have to pay attention to what row you’re on and what cable turns happen for which cables on that row.

Because of this, it’s considered an intermediate knitting pattern, but if you’re comfortable working from multiple charts at once it shouldn’t be a problem for you. There are three different charts and seven different cable moves.

Also because the pattern is so big and boxy there are only two sizes available, with a finished chest measurement of either 49 or 63 inches (that’s 124.5 or 160 cm). It’s up to you to decide how much ease you would like and whether that will work for your body.

The pattern uses worsted weight yarn (and calls for another classic, Lion Brand Fisherman’s Wool). It calls for six buttons and includes pockets to make it extra cozy.

This one looks like a great winter project to make and to wear if you’re up for a bit of a challenge. You can grab the free pattern or buy a kit with the yarn needed direct from Lion Brand Yarn.

[Photo: Lion Brand Yarn]

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